Updated: Jan 27
When Taylor and I first started dating it was all rainbows and roses. Gifts were regularly sent to my house. Our letters to each other seemed like they were taken out of your favorite romance novel or movie. I woke up every morning to at least a three-page text with words of how wonderful of a human being I am and how in love he is with me.
Then life started to set in and there went our “honeymoon” phase. It is not that we did not love each other anymore but we got comfortable and complacent.
I know Taylor still loves me. I can feel that even from 923 miles away but I thought that maybe I did something wrong or maybe I wasn’t as exciting as I once used to be when we first met.
I told Taylor my feelings and he was surprised and didn’t know why I would ever think anything like that. So, I was extra confused.
When I went in to see my social worker this month, I told her about the trouble I’ve been having. She explained to me a theory called the five love languages. In this theory, each person has a “love language” or the primary way that they liked to be loved and how they show love: Receiving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, and acts of service.
You can find out what language you are here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com
I quickly found out that my primary love language is words of affirmation and my secondary language is gifts.
Gary Chapman wrote a book on the five love languages and, lo and behold, there was a military edition! I bought it the next day and anxiously awaited its arrival.
When it came, I snatched it off the table and scurried up to my bedroom to read it for the rest of the night.
The book is amazing. It gave great examples of other military couples, their perspectives and what went wrong in their relationships, how they fixed it, etc. I was told in decadent detail what each language was and the different dialects within each language. The best part was that at the end of each chapter there were different ways to appease a person with this love language and those ways were tailored to people in LDR’s, people who go months without seeing each other or even talking.
I quickly realized that I was totally a “gifts” kind of girl. I like symbolism and the thought behind things, not necessarily expensive diamonds or a new BMW. I felt I did something wrong because Taylor didn’t even send a card on Valentine’s Day. I felt beyond loved and thought about when he used to send me drawings, etc. It all made sense.
By the time I was finished reading the book, I was certain Taylor’s language was physical touch. His actions scream it. When we drive in the car, his hand is always drumming on my thigh. He’ll grab my hand randomly. At parties, he is never too far from me and always comes to look for me if it’s been awhile since we’ve seen each other.
Those are only some of the signs. And the best part of this book was that it gave me unconventional ways to feed his love language even during deployments and ways for when he is home as well. Not only that but Chapman gives you ways to fill that void yourself when your SO is gone.
This was the solution to our problem. I was trying to send Taylor cards and care packages and gifts when he needed to be loved in a different way. And Taylor was trying to love me in his love language. From now on, we are going to choose to love each other every day and do things every once in awhile to speak to each other in a way the other understands.
The book was structured in a way that categorized the information for it to make sense. It was informative, gave examples and ways to help fix your own relationship. It had a perspective on love that I had never really thought that much about or taken the time to learn.
If you want to read the book for yourself or check out more about it, click the link below!!