Deployment Diaries: How to Go Weeks Without Speaking to Your SO

Every deployment and situation is different. You may go through a deployment and have decent communication the whole way through or there could be periods of time where you haven’t received any kind of communication for weeks or maybe months.

It would be an understatement to say that going with no emails or phone calls is hard. It’s hell. I had no idea if he was okay, I missed his voice, I missed telling him about my day and his advice, I missed hearing about his day and I hated that I couldn’t comfort him or celebrate his successes.

It’s a test of your patience and of your relationship but there are ways to make it through.

Don’t Doubt Their Love

Nothing kills a relationship more than doubt. I’m guilty of it too. I’m the kind of person that needs to be reassured every so often that I am loved and that he still wants me around and appreciates me, etc. Deployments do not fill those needs. As long as you left everything in good standing with your partner, keep believing that it is still good until told otherwise by them. Hold it together and keep everything stable so that when everything else in their life is crazy and uncertain, you are still their rock.

Email them every other day during long periods of no communication

I typically email him every day. I will always pick that back up when he starts emailing back consistently but when we are going weeks or months of no talking I send something every other day to keep my sanity. Emailing everyday, for me, is just a constant reminder every night before I go to bed that he is gone. It helps me, emotionally, to email every other night. Also, gives me more to say in each email and takes him less time to open and read all of them!

Don’t watch the news

The last thing you need to hear is what country is testing out new bombs or how many sailors/soldiers were killed last night. I actually have my degree in journalism and watch the news daily because it is just a part of who I am. During deployments, however, this does a lot more harm than good.

Realize that you will have hard days but you will also have good ones

Some days I will have an amazing day. Some days I will feel like I am falling apart. Other days are split between the good and the bad. None of this will be easy. Just like anything else there will be good days and there will be bad ones. This is all okay and normal. The best part is that all those hard feelings will pass and are only temporary. This is why there is Ben and Jerry’s and wine.

Stay Busy 

I feel like I should have this tattooed on my forehead or as a bumper sticker because I say it so often. Always stay busy. Don’t give your mind room to think and wander. Keep hustling, making money at work, cleaning out that basement or closet, seeing those friends you haven’t seen in forever. Life should not stop because your SO is deployed.

Take it from me, long periods of time without any emails or phone calls is no walk in the park but it does pass. You will hear from them whether it be by phone call or email. Take a deep breath, cry if you need to, be gentle to yourself and remember that this is all temporary.

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